I'm Here Baby...

10:14 pm.

The quick vibrations and pleasant tone coming from my left front jean pocket let me know that I had just received a text message. It couldn't have been 15 seconds later. I hadn't even pulled the phone from my pocket. I knew what was coming. The chair that I was sitting in had a clear view of the hallway. I could see the nurse coming to the family lounge, which much resembled a small library. You can tell by the look on her face. Man, I would hate to do that job.

"He just died."

I'm not surprised. I'm actually a little relieved. You can only see your dad like that for so long before you start  hoping death was slightly swifter. The thing is, I know. I know God is real. I have enough sense to know that the change my father went through isn't possible through some placebo faith declaration. I know that there is a soul. One minute, I'm looking at my father. I leave the room so they can clean him up. Two minutes later the nurse tells me that he is dead. I enter the room, hug my mom, and look at the body.

I don't see my dad anymore.

There is nothing there. The feeling that you get when you look at a living person... you just know. You have a certain sense that there is something there. It isn't the same as looking at any random inanimate object. Which is what a soulless body is. Which is why I couldn't see him.

I look at the text message.

"I'm here baby..."

Madison had been on her way to the hospice center. I told her to text me when she arrived. Today marks 16 days from our wedding. I wish my dad could have been there. I wish he could have been there in all of his glory. Full mustache. Thick, silver head of hair. About one hundred more pounds than what he was yesterday. Dark, suntanned skin from working in the sun his entire life. A goofy face in every picture we take. I miss you, Dad.

I'm not very expressive. I don't "feel" a whole lot. I can tend to look like I don't care. Right now, I seem alright, but I'm not sure that I'm dealing all that well. I'm 25 and fatherless now. I've been independent for a while, but I'm not ready to be fatherless. I guess I don't have much of a choice. Time to man up, I suppose. I still have a great family. A small family, but a great one nonetheless.

My dad raised me well. I'm going to be a good husband and a good father. He may be gone, but he has left his legacy in this world. Lives are changed because of him, and more will change through the people he has touched.

Goodbye, Dad. Hello, future.

I'm here baby...


10:14 pm.